Sleepwalk Through Life

It is often seen that once we reach a certain age group, our dreams and glorious plans get lost in our quest to fulfill our ‘Priorities’ in our life.
In retrospect of the last two years (exactly 2yrs ago was when I joined this industry, our Corporate world as we call it) I see that I have been no different. Plans of being an Astrophysicist and studying the night sky in all its glory suddenly seemed like a dream I had suddenly woken up from. Just as we brush off the dreams of the night in the quest to live out our lives every day, I just pushed the thought of wanting to be an astrophysicist out of my head for reasons unknown. I joined the brigade of the umpteen engineers being churned out of universities every year who began the race to land a job in the corporate world with a 5-digit monthly pay package.
The degree of confusion then (when I had just entered the corporate sector) and now seems to be the same regarding where I want ‘To Go’ from where I am ‘Right now’. Where would you like to see yourself in the next 5 yrs asks my manager and I just manage to give some inconsequential answer. See myself as a lead or a manager?!! What then!? An even bigger pay package and the same confusion!? Knowing not where I want to go…Don’t get me wrong here, I am not complaining about my unhappiness at work or criticizing people who are in the same areas of work as I am. I like the kind of work I do, enjoy the atmosphere at work but yet, there is that nagging question at the back of my mind, ‘Where am I going?’
I talk here of my life in its entirety and not just the work aspect of it. Is there not a lot more to life than just being stuck in that regular rut? Is my focus in life and my priorities set right? Or am I like millions, like my dad says, ‘Just Sleepwalking through life’? Not knowing where I am heading, but heading there nevertheless for maybe a few materialistic gains? What would actually define my life? A few hundred thousand in my account, a better job, a job which I dreamt of taking up as a kid or a teenager, happy and contented parents-happy that their daughter is making something of her life, finding someone who would accompany you on this journey called life!? Why then, despite having all that stated above do I wonder what am I doing after all? What is it that I really want from my life? What is that one thing or things that will make me exclaim ‘Yes, this is what I want from life’!
This is probably a question no one can answer for me. It’s my quest and my journey to make, to find the answer if it’s possible. There is no way of knowing if the answer to the question would really have been the ‘Dream jobs’ or if it is the kind of work am doing right now or the kind of life that I have right now. I am a firm believer in the old saying that ‘Life always gives you only the best things’, be it good or not so good experiences that make you the person that you are today. But one thing, despite my belief is certain- I do not want to Sleepwalk through my life.

No one's innocent, there are only different degrees of responsibility

Recently, I happened to start reading the Millennium trilogy by Stieg Larsson. The second part called 'The Girl who played with Fire' had an interesting caption. Well not so much a caption, as an extract from the book. It said- 'No one is innocent, there are only different degrees of responsibility'.
At first look it sounded as though the writer was making a claim that there really are no innocents in this world & almost everyone at one point or the other has committed a crime. That really did not seem appealing.
But as I thought over the statement, it did strike me as being true. Not in the sense that I had understood it before but in a totally different light. Yes, the writer was correct to an extent in making that claim. When it actually comes down to analyse actions committed by various individuals, then it becomes difficult to measure them all using a single yard stick.
When, for an instance we consider a civilian v/s a person in armed forces, we cannot and do not condemn an armed force officer when he shoots some one down acting according to his role i.e. to protect the society, but when the same civilian takes up arms, its a different story altogether. This all comes down to the fact that both these groups of people have different responsibilities. It is just that an ordinary man i.e our aam aadmi, does not take up the responsibility that he's not accountable for those actions. So in other words, he only seems innocent because he does not hold that responsibility.
How then can we justify this statement when we talk bout the violence in the society? The miscreants who take up arms, take law into their hands and to what end? To start a vicious circle of violence to which there seems to be no end. This is in no way, taking up responsibility but defying the rules of society and misuse of what could have been responsibility to do something good for the society.